How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
