If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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