This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
NoShamevember. You game?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
