Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
