Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
