his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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