:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
