Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
