Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you didnt know i had herpes?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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