get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You're a disaster
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