I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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