apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
