I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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