I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize