My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
