Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize