Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
