I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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