i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
A+ Viking dick
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
