I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
