yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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