It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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