if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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