Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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