Who wears a wallet chain?!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
