my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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