Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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