Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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