I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
