he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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