You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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