ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
