I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
