Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
All I want is dick and wine.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
