Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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