guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
