so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I need to calm my uterus...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
