Your face is a jimmy john
Its about making memories worth repressing
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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