dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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