ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
