honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
