we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I puked a lego.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
