Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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