Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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