the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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