my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My bed smells like the plague
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
