Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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