it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
