I feel like abortions should bother me more
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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