Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
