he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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