If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
