So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
