I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
