R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
