it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
