so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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