You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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