erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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