I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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