had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
