everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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