i would punch a child for taco bell
I smell stomach acid.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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