That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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