I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
