So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
