He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Houston, we have a squirter
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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